This month, I really feel like I figured out the perfect diet for me. It's kind of a 'I think of it as mostly raw food, but I actually eat cooked vegetables and beans pretty often, too' diet. But the important part, for me, is to keep re-attempting to focus on raw food. That way, the roasted vegetables and hot soups seem soooo luxurious in comparison. :) It really works for me. I lost 9 pounds in 10 days and I wasn't ever hungry. I'm telling you, peeps, it is so incredibly rare for me to not feel hungry. Sure, I know I'm not always actually hungry, but what I mean is, I always feel like I am. I'm usually always quietly planning my next meal.
To lose that nonstop internal monologue is so refreshing, and it has nothing to do with willpower. I figured out that that internal monologue is my body's way of communicating with me, but it can't use words, so all it says is I want. I want. I want. Only, what it would be saying if if it could speak my language would be, "No, not THAT stuff. I want carrots and kale, not any more goddamn bread and butter! Spinach! Beets, oh, God, please I need some beets..." When I finally give it that stuff, it shuts up and I float through life delighting in things like a fresh apple. It's amazing.
It's also a hard thing to keep going. This past week, I watched myself fall into some stress eating. See, on Wednesday, I got called into the personnel director's office and was told that our College was firing a friend of mine. (They told me because I was in charge of cutting off his IT resources when they did the deed). So, for two days ahead of time, I knew my friend was going to get fired and I couldn't warn him. Whilst angsting over my role in the execution, I watched my diet fall apart. Too depressed to go grocery shopping after work, I hid in novels, then started eating out again to avoid the work lunchroom, then it was beer and pizza time at home with Brian after it was all over. Then, tonight, another cooking club night with my ravenous inner demon making an appearance. :)
I'm not beating myself up about it. I've seen the light and I know what works for me and it's what I like to do anyway, so it all starts again tomorrow. It's taken me a long time to get to this understanding, I'm writing it here in hopes I won't forget it later.
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